tell me why i'm still waiting for someone who doesn't give a fuck about me

But my first serious boyfriend kinda had the effect of the first taste of blood for a lion cub on me. I seriously would give anything to be able to do that again. I was ridiculously delusional, and pathetic, but I was happy. (When I was 18, I once waited for an hour in the evening, in the dead of winter, because I knew my crush would eventually wait for the bus at the same bus stop, so I’d get to look at him from a distance for about 6 minutes.) Or celebrities - musicians, actors, any kind of face to put to my ridiculous, constant fantasies of romantic love, and keep a safe, peaceful emotional outlet for my feelings. But mostly, those were either boys I never even talked to, and just obsessed with from a distance. I’ve always been a bit (of a lot) of a closet romantic, so I can’t really remember any long period of time since the fourth grade when I didn’t have a crush on someone. I was comfortable with my alone-ness, though.

To paint a bit of background: I have always been very shy, introverted, and fucking terrible at connecting with others. Let’s start this off originally, to match the unique snowflake that I am: I’m an extremely socially handicapped lady, 25 years of age, with just a handful (maybe 3 at best) of friends, and in a lonely place in my life.

Tell me why i'm still waiting for someone who doesn't give a fuck about me